I Wanna Be A Burlesque Dancer

This happened at work the other day. The janitor came in and bought a few items.

Janitor: I know where the sale items are because I sweep the floors here.

*mindless customer/cashier chatter follows and he leaves*

Melissa: He works here? Is he like, a janitor or something?

Me: *stares blankly*

Television Ain't What It Used To Be

Sometimes, I need to listen to myself when I speak. This came out of my mouth as I was flipping through channels earlier.

Me: Yes, I definitely want to watch a show that has black cocks in the title....

McDuff: Oh, Sherlock...

Third Time's The Charm...

A little bit of conversational humor to brighten up your day.

One:
It needs to be known that I have worn glasses every single day of my life since I was prescribed them at age eleven.
Me: I cannot wait to get my new glasses, they're pretty awesome.
Jessica: Oh, do you wear glasses then?
Me: *blankstarefacepalm*

Two:
This happened after Jessica and I were caught sending each other silly little notes to pass the time at work.
Boss: So, am I going to see you two making any more of these at work?
Me: Ugh, I swear, we made them at home?
Boss: I wasn't born last night, you know.
Me: Really? Well then, you look great for your age.

Three:
This last scenario took place at our family Thanksgiving brunch today.
Paul: So, what are you studying in history class?
Cheyanne: History...

Can I Bungee Jump Next Time?

"STOP! You need to stop! You have crossed the line. No, wait. You have more than crossed the line, you have dived over the line into the other side." McDuff to Me.

Yes, I Am Blonde, How Could You Tell?

Sometimes, people really amuse me. Like today.

Me: Wow, you're kinda dumb, aren't you?

Jessica: No! I am not dumb, I just say a lot of stupid things.

Would You Like Some Fries With Your....Fries?

Ah, the never ending stupidity of customers...The one in question had just managed to painfully order a regular order of fries and some onion rings.

Customer: So, is that a combo?

McDuff: Well, no. You need to order a burger and a drink to make a combo out of what you've ordered.

Customer:.... Oh, well then, I'll have a cheeseburger with a soda, and onion rings.

McDuff: So, you want another order of onion rings?

Customer: No, I want onion rings.

(Unable to take customer's stupidity any longer, I decide to jump in)

Me: One order of onion rings, or two all together.

Customer(very rudely): Just one! And I want a large fries.

McDuff: So you want a large and a regular fries?

Customer: No! I want just the large fries, like I ordered.

McDuff(After customer has finally left the counter): Ugh, just go back to your mothership already.

When You're Done With That, Do It Again...

Random rambling just heard from McDuff: Well, I'm done that, so it means that I don't have to do it again...

Really, because who doesn't like doing things twice?

And What If I Was The Queen?

Today's epic fail is brought to you by a customer, instead of one of the roommates. Epic stupidity can be found every where, after all. 

Customer: Hi, I'll have the bacon 'n' egger combo please.

Me: I'm sorry, we stop serving breakfast items after eleven.

Customer: But, I'm from Saskatchewan and we're an hour behind you, so I thought maybe I could still have breakfast.

Me: *blankstare* No, ma'am, I'm sorry. We stop serving  breakfast at eleven am local time.

Sarcasm Is A Delicate Art

This convo took place between me and my therapist.

Him: Do you have a boyfriend?

Me: No, I have a cat.

Him: Oh, are you in love with your cat?

Me: Oh yes, very much so.

Him: Oh, that was meant to be a joke, you know.

Me: *FACEPALMS* Mhmmm...I realize that.

Henry

So there is this big ass spider outside our house who we have named Henry. We decided to hot-box this spider yesterday. We are pretty sure that if it is female it is going to have mutant babies and that this was the highest spider in the world at the time.

Now, Let's Float To The Bottom Of The Ocean

"How do I make this?"

"You put it in a pot, and when it's ready, it'll be soft and floaty."

"And when it floats, it goes to the top, or..."

"No, it floats to the bottom...."

How About Some...Rice???

This Fail, while hilarious, was a bit of a mess. One of the roommates decided that it would be a great idea to make some pasta. Not a huge problem, except for the fact that she happened to be holding the, already opened, box upside down. 'Nuff said.

He's After My Lucky Charms!

This occurred while Macduff and myself were getting breakfast this morning. It's my first published epic fail.

"Pam! Is that a little Irish guy on your leg?"

"A leprechaun? Yeah, that's what it is..."

"I should be embarrassed to admit that I am of Irish decent."

And In 1922, Columbus Sailed The Ocean Blue...

"Did you see the guy's shirt?"

"Yeah, but I don't really get it."

"It said homeland security, and had some Indians holding guns. And it had the year 1958 on it."

"Hmmm, I wonder what happened that was so important in 1958."

"Don't you know, that was the year that the Europeans starting exploring Canada..."

Phone Issues

"Did you know I have got hot-pussy-mother-fuck (verb not a noun) saved on my phone but I can’t get it to figure out BBQ?"

Knowing your location is the key

"Hmmmm...i think i am going to say i am from French Canada."

"Quebec?"

"Ya Quebec."

The Beginning

Four girls living in one house, we have noticed that one of us has at least one epic fail a day. We have decided to document this interesting phenomenon on this blog for everyone who does and doesn't know us, and so it begins.





The first epic fail that i wished to keep track of is cooking skills.
To explain if you cannot see, she has turned the wrong element on then spent a good deal of time wondering why she couldn't hear the water boiling. (the pic is shit since it won't show the bottom element as red.)