I Wanna Be A Burlesque Dancer

This happened at work the other day. The janitor came in and bought a few items.

Janitor: I know where the sale items are because I sweep the floors here.

*mindless customer/cashier chatter follows and he leaves*

Melissa: He works here? Is he like, a janitor or something?

Me: *stares blankly*

Television Ain't What It Used To Be

Sometimes, I need to listen to myself when I speak. This came out of my mouth as I was flipping through channels earlier.

Me: Yes, I definitely want to watch a show that has black cocks in the title....

McDuff: Oh, Sherlock...

Third Time's The Charm...

A little bit of conversational humor to brighten up your day.

One:
It needs to be known that I have worn glasses every single day of my life since I was prescribed them at age eleven.
Me: I cannot wait to get my new glasses, they're pretty awesome.
Jessica: Oh, do you wear glasses then?
Me: *blankstarefacepalm*

Two:
This happened after Jessica and I were caught sending each other silly little notes to pass the time at work.
Boss: So, am I going to see you two making any more of these at work?
Me: Ugh, I swear, we made them at home?
Boss: I wasn't born last night, you know.
Me: Really? Well then, you look great for your age.

Three:
This last scenario took place at our family Thanksgiving brunch today.
Paul: So, what are you studying in history class?
Cheyanne: History...

Can I Bungee Jump Next Time?

"STOP! You need to stop! You have crossed the line. No, wait. You have more than crossed the line, you have dived over the line into the other side." McDuff to Me.

Yes, I Am Blonde, How Could You Tell?

Sometimes, people really amuse me. Like today.

Me: Wow, you're kinda dumb, aren't you?

Jessica: No! I am not dumb, I just say a lot of stupid things.

Would You Like Some Fries With Your....Fries?

Ah, the never ending stupidity of customers...The one in question had just managed to painfully order a regular order of fries and some onion rings.

Customer: So, is that a combo?

McDuff: Well, no. You need to order a burger and a drink to make a combo out of what you've ordered.

Customer:.... Oh, well then, I'll have a cheeseburger with a soda, and onion rings.

McDuff: So, you want another order of onion rings?

Customer: No, I want onion rings.

(Unable to take customer's stupidity any longer, I decide to jump in)

Me: One order of onion rings, or two all together.

Customer(very rudely): Just one! And I want a large fries.

McDuff: So you want a large and a regular fries?

Customer: No! I want just the large fries, like I ordered.

McDuff(After customer has finally left the counter): Ugh, just go back to your mothership already.

When You're Done With That, Do It Again...

Random rambling just heard from McDuff: Well, I'm done that, so it means that I don't have to do it again...

Really, because who doesn't like doing things twice?